Did that really just happen to me?

So to say I had an interesting weekend - namely Saturday - I think might be an understatement! Our friend Brett was in town and he is one of those guys who is a fabulous friend. He is from Tennessee and oozes Southern Charm. Something that I believe is severely lacking in Oklahoma, really everywhere these days. Jax and I met him out Friday and had a good time. There was no drama whatsoever.

Let me roll on to Saturday. We went to a sports bar in town and when I got there at 7pm, 90% of the bar was intoxicated. Now, you ALL know that unless you are drunk with these people, it is never a fun situation to walk into. Therefore, the only thing I could do was grin and bear it - and have a few cape cods.

Now, I talk about how I am an introvert all the time on this blog, but Saturday night I turned into an extrovert. I have tattoos (four to be exact). Three of my tattoos are small and one is large around my ankle. As my mother is reading this, she is trying to figure out in her head 1) where did she go wrong and 2) how much does it cost to remove those white trash things. Well, our waitress had an awesome tattoo and I asked her where she got it. We talked, she gave me a business card for the guy that did it and that conversation was done.

As the night progressed on, we moved tables and got a new waitress that was covered in tattoos, covered in them! I asked her if the ones on her neck hurt and she said yes. I told her the same about the one on my ankle. "Worse than child birth" was my exact answer. As we are talking, she starts to talk closer. That's ok, I guess because the bar was crowded. She then proceeds to ask my name and shakes my hand - just like a guy would if he was going to ask you out. I found it weird, but not that weird. Then after she leaves, Brett was all "Umm, you know she was hitting on you right?" And I'm all "Well not exactly?" He rolls his eyes, laughs hysterically and we move on to the next bar to meet up with some of his friends.

We get to this bar and I am sitting at a table carrying on a conversation with an attorney's wife. She is super nice - well that was until she asked me to go back to the hot tub with her and her HUSBAND? WTF is happening here? Then Brett proceeds to say, "I had no idea these people were swingers!" That probably would have been a good thing to know before I was being friendly to them.

People, do you see what happens when I come out of my introverted shell? I get hit on not once, but twice by chicks! Note to self: Being an introvert works best in ALL situations.

Traditions

When I was a little girl, one of the things I looked forward to most in the year was decorating our Christmas tree. We lived in a big 2 story house with vaulted ceilings. So every year we got a HUGE tree. And people, I mean HUGE TREE. It was at least 20 feet tall and just as wide at the bottom.

It was such an ordeal each year because my Dad and brother would go out to get the tree, it would be tied up so they could drag it through the front door and the house would be covered in pine needles before it was even on the stand. This drove my mother crazy and I can remember her feverishly vacuuming those pine needles up - over and over again.

When the tree finally was in the upright and out position on the stand, it was time to decorate. It took forever to decorate that tree, but when we were done, it was all worth it. In fact, we were in the local newspaper several times because of how awesome the tree was. Now to some of you, that may seem lame - but when you are 6-yrs-old, that is pretty freaking cool! I remember when we took that picture in front of the tree. It was me and my brother with our two dogs and because the newspaper was obviously black and white, you could hardly see our dog Harry in the picture because he was gray.

When my parents got a divorce when I was 8, my Mom did a wonderful job at keeping those traditions alive for us. In fact, the first Christmas that they were divorced, my Dad came over to watch us open our presents and see our Santa gifts. As a kid, you do not realize how special that really is. All you know is there's a butt load of presents with your name on them and you CAN'T wait to tear into them all.

Since Mark and I split, I have tried really hard at keeping things normal for Piper. I would be lying if I said that I have been doing a great job every day. In fact, I think I fall short quite often, but the main thing is, I am trying and that is all I can do really.

Piper and I decorated our Christmas tree last night and we had a great time - well that was until she kept dropping the balls on the wood floor and they would shatter into a MILLION LITTLE PIECES. By ball three, Momma came close to losing it. Think gritting teeth and saying "Piper" through those teeth. But the point is, I started that tradition with her her very first Christmas - granted the first and second Christmas she could not do a whole lot. But this year she took to it like a duck to water and she was so proud of herself for decorating it. And the most important part, I was yet again so proud to be her Mom.

Holiday Ackwardness

There are two very different sides of my family. There is my step dad's side of the family that consists of lawyers and bankers, then there is my father's side that consists of blue collar workers. Each side I would not trade for the world - well for the most part.

Piper and I spent Thanksgiving day in Lawrence, Kansas (GO HAWKS!) at my step dad's sister's house. Now God bless them, but they are stuffy for the most part. For dinner you have to come dressed in your Sunday best and be on your "A" game at all times. There are a few people, namely my mother and cousins, that buck the system and try to cause trouble every chance they get. That always makes for good times.

For example, we had to go around the kitchen and tell everyone what we are thankful for. Now, for those of you that do not know me, I am borderline introvert, so these types of things drive me crazy. I stew and stew over simply saying "I am thankful for my beautiful daughter, Piper." No idea why, but I am just getting more introverted as I get older.

My mother said she was thankful for her family, but later told me she wanted to say she was thankful that Easter was cancelled and we only had to do 2 Holidays this year with this side of the family. Nice! And you people wonder where I get it from.

Anyway, this was the first holiday without Mark and it was awkward. When we were taking pictures, I stood off to the side with no husband. Now that did not bother me so much. It was the "How are you doing?" "Is Piper adjusting well?" questions that about set me over the edge. I know people care or they would not ask, but sometimes people, it's just better to leave well enough alone. You know? And then when I say that we now get along better than we ever did married, the look of confusion on their faces is staggering! Yes, I get along with my ex - it has been a long road to hoe, but we get along perfect!

I actually spent some of the weekend with him because he had not seen Piper for a while and she wanted to stay with both of us. It was nice, we laughed and had a good time. Please note: We are not getting back together, we share a daughter whom we love dearly. The. End.

So the holiday weekend is over and all in all, I survived. Now if I can get through Christmas - that may be a miracle. Why is it that 3-year-olds find it necessary to say they want EVERY SINGLE THING that is on TV? If I tell Piper one more time "just wait for Christmas" - I may have to self medicate.

Nearing the End

It's funny because when I started this blog I had so much to say - because of my situation at the time. Now as we are approaching the end of the "Divorce" my life has slowed down a ton and you know what, I am definitely ok with that!! But I feel like I do not have much "dish" to spill. I promise, I will try harder.

The only step I have left to do is attend a divorce planning thing that is MANDATORY when you have a minor child. It is 4 hours long and from what Mark told me, completely awful. I get the whole premise behind it, but really? Do I need to be told that I should never say bad things about my spouse - from an unknowing third party- to my daughter? Do I need to know ALL the statistics of what happens to a child of divorce? Nope, I do not. Thinking about that is enough to depress anybody.

My hope is that Piper will come out unscathed from all of this. I am a child of divorce and it was the best thing that happened to me and my family. There's just something about having a happy Mom and Dad in your life - even if it is on separate terms. And I may be biased, ok I am biased, but I think having a happy Mom is the most important factor. I am really happy with my life right now - I am comfortable with who I am and I think that shows through to Piper on a daily basis. I very much still love being a Mom - that is a "job" I will never get tired of. And who knows, maybe one day I will have another one - the possibilities are endless!

On a completely random note, I went to a Mary Kay party with Jax a few weeks ago and then hosted a party for the Mary Kay gal. Now, NOW, she will not leave me alone. She talks about how this is a great opportunity, especially going through a divorce and needing extra money, blah, blah, blah....Umm, lady I do not want to do it. I am not a salesperson. I like your product, now leave me be. Why am I so nice that I just can't say NO? Lord!! Any ideas of how to politely say "no, thanks?"

"And that's how we roll..."

The weekend with the fam was exactly like I knew and hoped it would be. We had a great time and I think laughed the entire time we were there. Of course, my brother had to pull up my blog so my Aunt Jackie could read the post about her. At first I think she was offended, but as the weekend progressed and she realized that she really is a grouchy ol' woman - it made for good times! Really I think what made her the nicest was when she found out that Mark and I were splitsville. Funny, because that was the part I found the most humerous!

And she obviously did not feel that sorry for me because she still called me a bitch - at least three times an HOUR!

At one point in the weekend, I slipped and said "That's how I roll!" I got so much crap for this that it became the phrase of the weekend. I think it started when I told my Mom that she needed to get surgery on her eye lids. She thought I was being rude, I thought I was simply being polite. She said "Michele Renee, you little b i t c h!"

Now let me explain, my Mom is a beautiful lady. There was one time that we had a conversation about plastic surgery and she said that IF in fact she got plastic surgery it would be on her eyes to remove the excess skin on her lids. I asked her this weekend if she was still considering this. Much to my amazement she forgot about that conversation and thought I was putting her down. So for the rest of the weekend when we would talk to each other, she would raise her eyebrows and talk like she was a mummy. Good times people, good times.

We went to a Branson show on Saturday - the Chinese acrobats. Piper and I were going to leave at intermission, but that little girl liked the show SO much that we stayed until the bitter end. She was absolutely amazed with it all. We started off with popcorn, that she proceeded to spill all over the floor. Think popcorn...flying through the air...landing on the guy behind us...him giving me a what the ??? face...yup, I was that Mom.

After Piper got adjusted, the show started - her little mouth was open in amazement the whole show. After the break she decided to sit on my cousin Terrie's lap. Now 99% of the show plays loud music, but there is one part where it is dead silent (pin drop silent) as the guy puts two swords to his neck and pushes on them to bend them. 5 seconds into the silence, Piper being 4 people away from me, she yells "Momma, what is he going to do?" I look at her and put my finger to my mouth to say, "Shhhh, Piper Sams!" She is oblivious and says it yet again, only louder this time. "Momma, what is he going to dooooooo!!!" People laugh, my Mom says this is exactly what she prayed for all her life as payback for me and I slink down in the chair.

Halloween was good as well. Piper did the same thing she did last year. She was shy the first few houses, than a rock star at the rest of them. Next year she wants to be a witch, a cat and a dog. Not sure why or how we're going to pull that off!

Here is her outfit. Sorry, I had to "funk" it up with the hot pink converse. Princess shoes are so last season! :o)

Four Generations Collide - Heaven Help Us All

Last year when Piper was two, we took her trick or treating for the first time around our neighborhood. She was a princess, of course - aren't all little girls that? We explained to her that we were going to go knock on doors and say "Trick or Treat" and then people would give us CANDY! Now my daughter is a VERY smart girl, too smart for her own good, but she just could not process that people were going to give her candy.

So we went to the first door. She buried her head into the crease of my neck and would not say a word. So, I grabbed the candy, apologized and said "Thank you, this is her first Halloween." We went to two more houses and she did the same thing. When I was ready to throw in the towel, she surprised the crap out of me, got down and rang the doorbell. When the person answered the door, she yelled "Trick or Treat!" The really funny thing about it was when we would go to other houses and she would just see the door (it was not even open yet) she would yell "Trick or Treat!"

This year Piper is going to be a princess yet again. This theory makes me sick to my stomach - I am not a frilly girl, never have been, never will be. I prefer jeans and pants to dresses and skirts.
My mother will say to me ALL THE TIME, "But Michele, you have such nice legs! I gave you those legs! You need to show them off more!" My response to my loving mother is "You also gave me these boobs and hips. Do you want me to show those off too?" Why that woman does not find the humor in that, I will never know. BUT I do thank her often for my skinny ankles!

Thanks Mom! You're the best!

My parents have a condo in Branson, so Piper and I are headed there today. We are going to trick or treat around that area. There are houses there that, God willing, will have candy. And if those said houses do not have candy, Papa Ken better come up with a good back-up plan. You got that Kenny?

My Aunt Jackie and Uncle Whitey will be there, along with my cousin and her husband. I love these people. I love them for the obvious reasons - because they are family - but I love them more because they are mean, hateful and remind me of why I am apart of this family. My Aunt Jackie is my Mom's older sister. And I do not think there has been a family event where she has not called me a bitch. Who does that? My Aunt Jackie! If you were to look in the dictionary and look up the phrase "Doesn't give a shit" my Aunt Jackie's face would be right beside it. She is by nature a fun, but grouchy ol' woman - my Mom is fun, but a grouchy woman - I am hilarious (at least I would like to think so), but at times can be grouchy - and my beautiful three-year-old is funny and part of it is because she is a grouchy little girl at times.

We come from a long generation of grouches, it's who we are and I would not want to be any other way then this. I also think Piper will be just as content with this - after all, her favorite story for me to tell her at night is the one my Mom told her several weeks ago - "The grouchy girls' story". Thanks, Mom, for telling her that one. Now I have to tell it EVERY night!!

Happy Halloween people!

She may be turning sweet again...

I feel like it has been forever since I talked about Ms. Piper. Does that make me a bad Mom? I sure hope not!

This weekend I went out of town because it was Mark's turn to take care of Piper. I still do not like the weekends without my baby, but I am getting used to the fact that this is how life is right now. Each weekend without her is getting slightly easier than the last. I will never like it, but it is what it is and I am doing things for me - something I have not done in a long time. And my weekend was a blast! Yay!!

When I got back in town, Mark dropped Piper off to me. The door was locked, so I heard the constant ringing of the bell - knowing it was my silly 3-year-old. I opened the door and she was so freaking excited to see me. She gave me a big hug and looked at her Daddy like she was so proud to be with me.

Now to some of you this might not seem like a big deal, but IT IS because you have never met the little girl that is Piper. She is MUCH like her mother and only hugs and kisses when she wants to do it. You do not force her to do anything. It drives my stepmother crazy - but for my Mom and Dad, they understand fully because that's exactly how I was when I was growing up (and still to this day). She has many of these traits from me - I just do NOT want her to get my genes and get big boobs. She already has a bubble butt! A bubble butt and big boobs is NOT a good thing. It makes me want to commit myself to a home as I type this.

So, yesterday we went to the park and played because it was so nice. As we were playing in the ship at the playground, Piper said "Momma, you are so nice! You are not grouchy at all, I like that Momma!" Who says that? My silly daughter does. Then we got home and watched the Backyardigans and went to bed. As I was walking to the bathroom to get the Vick's for her chest, she said "Momma, I like your hair, and your face, and your clothes and your legs. When I'm a big girl, can I wear your clothes? And I like your shoes! Can I wear your shoes?!" I told her of course she could - but in my mind I was thinking, kid if you like my clothes when you are older either I am dressing WAY too young for my age or Piper has no taste at all. LOL! Either way, I was still flattered.

And you know that no day can go left without me throwing in something that brings my reality of a sweet daughter crashing to the ground. After she was sweet (when we were playing on the ship) she proceeded to say to me "Momma, shut your mouth." She did not say it mean, just very matter of fact. I asked her where she heard that from, praying it was NOT from me, and she said Daddy. "Daddy says that to bubba when he talks all the time!"

So last night, Daddy got a lesson on "using his words" in front of my sweet, sweet Piper.

I hope everyone's weekend went well! Poor Jax is still so sore, so I'm taking her to dinner tonight - if she is up for it!