Now Just A Mad Mom

So we sold my 2004 Nissan Quest mini-van today and let me tell you, it was a bitter sweet feeling. I loved that van, so seeing it drive off was harder than I expected. Of course it had a rattle on the passenger side door that drove me batty, but hey, it was still a darn good van!

When I told Piper we were selling the van and the people came to test drive it, she hopped in the van and clung to her travel TV/DVD for dear life. I am NOT even kidding. After 5 minutes, I finally convinced her that if these fine people bought the vehicle the TV would come right out, as it was not a part of the purchase. She reluctantly got out, but I know in her little mind she thought I was lying to her. Oh ye of little faith!

And yes, I wanted a Dodge Charger, but some people have tried to convince me other wise. And I hate to admit this because those "some people" will get a good laugh out of it, but I agree with them. It is a BIG vehicle and I really do not need that much of a vehicle. Really all I want is to have a $250 car payment and call it good. That would save me $150 a month, because I was paying $400 a month on my van (I was a good girl and was actually paying $60 more than the loan was a month).

See Mom, you did raise me right! Well, on this one thing at least.

And now to the fun part. I am not getting a new vehicle. I am going to take Mark's 2008 Jeep Patriot and drive it. It is a good vehicle, but we also pay $400 a month on this. It was his idea, NOT mine to get the darn thing - but somehow, like always - it was my idea to get the Jeep? WTF? Please note, I am not going to pay the full $400 on it. I am going to have the credit union transfer $250 of the loan over to my account and have it taken out of my paycheck. He can deal with the other $150 and get an old beater. He said he is ok with this. We shall see.

It took me over an hour to clean that Jeep out. And a box full of crap, plus a grocery bag full of trash later, I was done. It was disgusting. Who does that to a brand new Jeep?

Other not so fun news. I told Mark today that I was moving out at the end of August whether we sold the house or not. His response? "F U C K! I did not know it was that bad!" Really, because where have you been for the last 5 months? Not for sure really. And why within the past week has he started wearing his wedding ring again? For the love of Pete! Can someone get me a shot of tequila? I'm gonna need it soon!

D Day

Mark and I have tried to sell our house for 2-3 months now. The first time we sold it, it sold in 12 days. The second time we sold it in 3 days and the third time it was not even on the market. All three contracts fell through - due to financing, someone not being able to sell their house and the other decided they did not like the neighborhood. Ya really, because we do not like it either.

Since then we have had many people look at it and even got another offer, but we could not reach an agreement on the price. Our realtor said, "you're only $3500 off". Well...when you have NO money, $3500 is A LOT of money. Of course she drives a BMW so having her understand that concept is pretty much slim to none.

Once we sell our house, Mark and I are going to go our separate ways. For me, that means not wanting to work on it and just start my life over. For Mark that means, we just need a break and then things will be ok. I have thought and thought about what the best thing to do is. Racked my brain over and over. There are just things about him that I can't live with and unfortunately they are things that I do not think he can change. They are just who he is. I can't fault him for that, I really can't. There are things about myself that I can't change too. It is just virtually impossible.

I will always be anal. I will always have to feel like I am in control. I will always be grouchy in the mornings and I will always think the man of the house should be the primary provider for the house. I make good money and CAN and DO support myself and Piper, but as a man - I believe the weight of that responsibility should fall on his shoulders. A woman has so much to worry about besides finances. We, as women, take on SO much and try and "conquer the world" every day. It's nice to have that one burden taken off of our plate.

My Mom always worked and ALWAYS made really good money to support us. When she met and married Ken, she still supported us - but in a different way. A better way, really. He was the stable person in our life and we ALWAYS felt safe with him because he was the main provider. Reason #852 I love him.

Ok, I am off my soap box - Sorry!

On August 25th, I am moving out of the house, whether we have sold our house or not. I am going to rent a house and just be by myself (with Piper). Maybe I will miss Mark terribly, but I fear I will not.

Last night Piper and I were going to the grocery store. She was supposed to go with Mark and my two step kids to Blockbuster, but freaked out when she found out I was not going with them. So, she went with me. When I was getting her out of the van, I said "Piper, you and Momma are going to live in a new house soon, is that ok?" She said "Yes and Dad, bubba and sissy can live in another house."

That makes me sad. It makes me sad because maybe she is smarter than I already think she is. And maybe she knows that Momma is happier when she is not with Daddy. Mark and I do not fight in front of her - we really hardly ever fight at all anymore. We function like roommates. As a kid, I know she needs to see her Mom happy and she also needs to see me happy with someone of the opposite sex. On August 25, I am taking the first step at becoming who I was over 4 years ago. Saying that makes me happy because I desperately need to be me again.

And I know my Mom is now crying as she reads this...

My New Obsession

I was 15 years old when I got my very first car - a 1990 silver Ford Probe and I loved it! My stepdad spoiled me rotten, even though I DID NOT deserve it. Did I tell you how evil I was to him? My Mom and I still wonder a) why he does not hate my guts to this day and b) why is he still married to my Mom after all the hell I put him through. There is only one answer we can come up with - he is Jesus Christ reincarnated or maybe just a stubborn fool.

I love you Kenny!

I drove that car all through college until I graduated college. My college graduation present was a new car. The car OF MY CHOICE! There were a few stipulations however. 1) I had to graduate in 4 years (that meant summer school, uck!) 2) I could not get pregnant and 3) I could not be married. I am happy to say I passed all 3 with flying colors! Mostly because I was on the pill, sorry Mom, TMI.

When I graduated, I was dating the best guy in the world, Seth. He was so freaking patient and kind - therefore I hated him and did not know why he could not treat me like crap. I think some people call that "bag hunting". Anyway, we will leave the Seth story for another day. He lived in Michigan and that is where I got my next car because his best friend was a car salesman. It was a brand new Chrysler Sebring Convertible - white with a black top. I loved it, except I hated to have the top down because it messed up my hair. I was so freaking lame back then. Why in the world did I get a convertible then? Isn't that the whole point? Oh well!

I drove that car for a couple of years and decided that I needed something new. The next car was a Mercury Cougar - slade green, loved it! It was the first car I bought on my own. The car payments did suck though. After the cougar was a 4-runner; I hated it, but it could be because I hated my life at that point - hello boyfriend from hell. Sold that and dumped the boyfriend to get a Montero Sport. It was a good vehicle, but after Piper was born I had to get something that I would not keep whacking her head on everytime I put her in the car. Poor baby, no wonder she is a drama queen - I think it may be brain damage.

Enter the 2004 Nissan Quest mini-van. I am not even lying when I say that van is the BEST car I have ever had. Yes, I know it is a mini-van, but if there is such a thing as a "cool" van, this is it. I told Mark I would drive that thing until the wheels fell off. And with his 2 kids from a previous marriage, it works for a family of five.

So....I am ready to sell the min-van, because I will shortly not be a family of five. I was obsessed with the Dodge Nitro, that is until we drove one on Saturday. They drive nice, well like an SUV, but the mileage they get really sucks. And wouldn't you know it that the one I was looking at mysteriously "sold" 5 minutes before I got there. Yeah, right - car salesman are liars.

We drove to Broken Arrow to see if they had any more Nitros within a good price range and they did not. So as we were walking through the lot - the heavens opened and sang to me while I was standing in front of a 2007 Dodge Charger. Holy shit, have you seen those things? They are freaking awesome. I test drove it with Mark and a 12 year old salesman named Mitch. Mitch sucked and thought he was God's gift, I told him the music he listened to reminded me of a gay bar, he was offended and we left without the Charger. BUT, come hell or high water, I am going to get me one of those cars!! It is written in the stars - plus when I am separated it will get me a great piece of a$$.

Just joking on the last part, but that was dang funny!

Piperisms

Me: Piper can I have a kiss today?
Piper: Not today Momma, maybe on Wednesday.
_________________________
Me: You need to be a nice girl to your friends today, ok?
Piper: Can I just play by myself so I don't have to be a nice girl today?
Me: Sure.
_________________________
Piper: Momma, I am really, really thirsty.
Me: I'm sorry, no more drinks before bedtime. It makes you pee during the night.
Piper: Ok Momma, I give up.
Me: Really?
Piper: Yes, I am too tired today.
Me: I wish you were "too tired" more often girl!
_________________________
Me: Did you go potty in your pull-up while you were sleeping?
Piper: Just a little Momma
(Me feeling her diaper)
Me: You call that a little?
Piper: Yes, I really, really do.
__________________________
(While in a bad mood)
Piper: Momma, I just really need to cry.
Me: Why?
Piper: Because I just really, really need to.
Me: Ok, go for it.
(The crying ensues)
Piper: (while crying) Momma, I don't want to cry anymore.
Me: Ok then, stop crying.
Piper: But I really, really still want to cry.
Me: You drive me crazy little lady.
Piper: I'm not a little lady, I'm Piper!
Me: Ok, you drive me crazy PIPER!!
____________________________
(Talking to my Dad)
Me: She is really T. I. R. E .D. (spelling tired, not actually saying it), I think it's time for a N.A.P.
Piper: I am not T. I. D!
Dad: When did she learn to spell?
Me: When she came out of the womb. It is another form of torture she likes to play.
Piper: I AM NOT T. I. D.!!!

Family Reunion

Traveling again with work, ugh! I spent four days in New Orleans for a meeting with our Agency Leadership partners. Now many would say, "yeah, New Orleans - that would be so much fun!" Umm...obviously you do not know about my job and the BS that goes with it. From the time your butt gets out of bed to the time the meeting is over, you barely have time to think. Then the fun part of the day starts when after the meeting you have to do everything else that came in on your email. Remember "out of office" just means you will get to it at night, NOT when you get back to work!

Highlights from the meeting: lights kept mysteriously dimming while the speakers were talking, our Agency Vice President's microphone would not work, the sound guy is DEAF (I am not f'ing kidding), I have blisters on my feet from running back and forth trying to get things to work. THE END!

On Friday I hopped on a plane and headed to Des Moines, Iowa for a family reunion. We are going to try and do this every two years because it seemed like the only reason we would see each other is when someone passed away. Not the best time to have a beer with the family - well, not at least until day 2 of the mourning process. You gotta love my family.

I love my family! They are hilarious. My uncle is a retired minister and is the nicest, funniest guy you will ever meet. Case in point - he always asks me when my husband "Spike" is going to get out of jail and that he prays from his safe return once he is released. What? Who thinks of that stuff? We had a auction while we were there. Everybody brought their old stuff, some new and we bought it from each other. We raised $1800! It goes to the fund for the next reunion.

Piper was a rock star at this reunion. Since July 4 at my Mom's house, she has really come out of her shell. It is SO fun to see! She was talking to people, playing with the kids - just being a normal three-year-old for once. Yeah Piper!!! When we were getting ready to leave, I was holding her and giving people hugs. I would say "It was so nice to see you!" and she would say the same thing and give just as big of hugs. She makes my heart melt on a daily basis.

Highlights from the Reunion: 18 people asking me if I ate because I was too thin, my cousin announcing to everyone that I have more tattoos then my brother (which I guess makes me the most white trash), my aunt freaking out because we took the wrong turn to go to Dairy Queen, getting 3 hours sleep the first night because my Dad snores like a FREIGHT TRAIN, getting into a bikini in front of people you have not seen in two years! That about covers it!

And Mark did not go on this trip either. He "did not want to take another day of vacation". He is the best! Really, he is trying. BUT I did tell him I was done trying because marriage should not be THIS hard. I am ok with the ups and downs - but not everyday.

Does anyone want to buy a freaking house? I mean seriously, someone out there needs a house, right? We have had 4 contracts on it, 3 have fallen through and 1 we could not reach an agreement on. Throw me a FREAKING bone people!!

The Single Life (Plus 1) may be better than I thought

This weekend Mark and I went to a birthday party for a co-worker (on Saturday). It was at Full Moon and there were dueling pianos. I LOVED it! I think I need to go there more often. Ok, I loved it until a woman got on stage for her birthday and then her boyfriend got up on stage to propose...in a bar....drunk. Who the hell does that?

Well, anyway, I may have ruined the night because I was all "Don't do it!" Outloud, yes, outloud. Mark was not too happy with me, but hey what's new! She still said yes, so it must not have been as loud as I thought - I will scream louder next time that happens. Then I will walk up on stage and say, "look, I know you think you are in love, but seriously - can't you just live in sin together, have premarital sex and be happy? And, really, the first year OR FOUR are no walk in the park sister...here's my number, call me and we can talk."

After the party, I met my friend Jax out, with some of her friends. Of course, I wanted to go by myself and Mark did not like that. But really, he needs to get used to it because that's how it is going to be for awhile or forever. Needless to say, I drove him home and came back. It was a fun time, relaxed but fun. Her friends are awesome and quite funny. I felt like the old me (but a Mom now). The bar was not a meat market, I did not know a sole and still had a good time. I have promised myself I will do this again, many, many times.

Say what you mean and mean what you say

About three months ago I made the horrible mistake (ONE TIME) of telling Piper she could get out of bed if she "needed" to. In my mind this meant "if your bed was on fire or you had to go poop". In her little mind, this meant I can get out of bed when I can't go to sleep, ONLY five minutes after Momma has laid me down.

At first it was funny, and I have to admit it still kinda is, when she would get up. I would hear her in the beginning because she has a step stool to get on and off her bed. She cannot get of that darn thing without making a thud. Then the little feet start to moving and in 2.2 seconds she is down the hallway and into my room. Now, what makes this even more funny is my daughter has curly hair and when she lays down, even for 5 minutes and then gets up, she looks like a mad scientist. I love it, it makes me laugh every time.

Last night was especially hard for her to go to bed. Maybe it because I am a bad mother and let her watch TV before bed or maybe it was the 1/2 bag of M&Ms she devoured earlier in the evening - either way, she was up three times. After the first time I told her that she could only get up if she "really, REALLY needed me". The second time she came, she said "Momma, I really, REALLY need you to scratch my back." I was doing my yoga at the time, so she followed up with "but I will wait until you are done with your oga and then we will go back to my bed. Ok, Momma?"

Who could argue with that? I mean after all she was letting me do my exercises? Right?

We went back and I scratched her back and left. Only THIS TIME I was smarter than that silly 3-yr-old. I waited outside of her room, in the hallway. Not 2 minutes later, thud, she was out the door and I was standing there. She smiled and said, "Momma, I really, REALLY need you to play with my hair, ok?"

We went back to her bed and I threatened her with her life, she was scared (ok not really). But, I did tell her that she could not get out of bed anymore tonight...then I proceeded to play with her hair. I am such a sucker for that little girl!

I am the ONLY one who did not

Good Lord, I have not blogged forever, so sorry! Work has been CRAZY busy and I am now just getting caught up. Why does a person have to have 138 emails in their inbox when they get back from vacation? Especially when you have an out of office reply that says you will be out? Don't send me emails every day and leave voice messages. I AM NOT HERE!!

The vacation was FANTASTIC! Exactly what I needed. And my decision to not take Mark was the best decision I could have ever made. I did yoga on the beach every day, under this torn down hut. And wouldn't you know it, the second day I go down there, there's a For Sale sign strapped to the hut. You would have thought that was the second coming of Jesus Christ with the thrill my family got out of that. Can you see grown men taking pictures of me (fragile, because I am on a beach by myself) trying to do yoga, minding my own business - with a For Sale sign in every picture and me in the background. The nerve! I can hear my brother's laugh right now. My Mom thinks he is the "nice one", but I know different.

Don't we Matthew???

I think on Day 3 is when everyone thought it was pick on Michele day. I, once again being the fragile person I am (ya, right), nicely asked everyone to refrain from having sex. I thought that was a fair thing to ask. If I was not having it, the least they could do was not have it as well. Right? Right? After everyone stopped laughing at me, they said under no uncertain terms would they stop, in fact, they were all going to do it at the same time so I could hear them. Gotta tell ya, it made me a little sick - especially when MY MOTHER said "How about we just do it twice tonight, instead of three times?" The look on my step dad's face was priceless. If he could have been any happier, there would have been two of him. Needless to say, they did not accept my request - but THANK GOODNESS I feel asleep before the festivities began!!

I think I may be able to live on the beach or at least the house we stayed in. It was incredible. I think Piper would have really liked it. I started missing her on Day 2 and by Day 5, I was ready to be home to see her. Didn't miss Mark - but did miss the companionship. If that is not a sign of things to come, I do not know what is.

When I got off the plane, Mark and Piper picked me up. It was the cutest thing ever. It took her a couple seconds to recognize me and when she finally did, she said "Momma I missed you SO MUCH!" Melted my heart and made me want to have 12 more Pipers in my life.

So, my freakin' house has still not sold. Why? I have no idea. I am going crazy, need it to sell and get on with my life. Mark is trying to be SO nice to me. Too little, too late.