Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tulsa Zoo

Two weekends ago Piper and I went to the Tulsa Zoo. We had looked forward to this for a week and a half. Talked about the zoo all the time. "Momma, what animals will we see at the zoo?" "When do we get to go to that new store?" This is code for, I forget the name of the "zoo", please help me out here.

Two days before we went, wouldn't you know it, she got sick with a cold. She had not been sick forever. I do not even remember the last time as a matter of fact. So when she got up the day we were going to going, she had green stuff running out of her nose. Sorry if this is TMI for the "without children" readers, but for those of you with kids, you totally understand what I am saying.

I asked her if she wanted to go to the Zoo still or maybe we could go when she was feeling better. And if a three-year-old could cuss, it would have been something like this "WTF woman, I do not care if you carried me for nine + months and gained 23lbs, we are going to the f'ing Zoo whether you like it or not - so get your scrawny a$$ in the car! Oh, by the way, could you bring some tissue too, as well as some extra cash because I am getting ANOTHER stuffed animal."

Granted, she did not say that, but she wanted to. Needless to say, we went to the Zoo. It was hot and I was stupid and wore jeans. We saw the elephants, lions, tigers, polar bears, giraffes, zebras, etc...And you know what she enjoyed the most? The playground area. Ugh, the same playground area we have not 2 minutes from our house. Oh, and the merry-go-round. Is it just me, or does that thing make anyone else sick? We rode it twice and I had to convince myself I was not going to throw up - all while saying "Wow, this is so much fun!" That's what you do when you are a Mom, a.k.a. faking it.

Kinda like my Mom did when we played miniature golf. I LOVE miniature golf! Come to find out just a few years ago, she HATED playing it. I was just as devastated as the time I found out why they closed the bedroom door at night when I was younger. GROSS!!! Parents are NOT supposed to do that. Well, at least mine aren't!

Anyway, we went to the newest Zoo attraction called 'Feather Fest'. It is a big house full of parakeets. You pay $2 to get in and they give you a Popsicle stick with bird seed glued to it. When you walk in the bird house, the birds fly on your stick and eat the seed. It is the COOLEST thing. I think part of the reason I found it so neat is because Piper was a rock star in there. She had bird landing on her stick while she was walking and never jumped once. Me, I was scared to death at first - and, AND I got pooped on. Of course, she got the biggest kick out of that. Granted, it was pretty damn funny. But still - I got POOPED on!

So this leads me to my latest obsession - Parakeets. I want one. In fact, I want two - because then they would be companions. And I would have something to occupy my time when Piper is not there. Because you know what - I can't run all those hours that she is gone! Believe me, I have tried people!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Lesson Learned

Let me offer up this piece of advice. NEVER buy running shoes off the Internet. Never. Please, I beg you. I did research on the last pair of shoes I bought (the ones that magically suck) and thought I was going to fly in those babies. And if you are a runner, this goes against everything we are taught by the way. I spent a GOOD amount of money on them. That's what you are supposed to do. The more expensive they are the better you run. Right?

Yesterday at lunch Jax and I went to DSW shoes and I was hell bent on bucking the system and get cheap running shoes. And....I did. I spent $50, that's all. And the end result? I FREAKING LOVE THEM. Ran last night like normal. Could it be the fact that I tried them on instead of looking at their picture on my computer? NAH! Ok, yes, I admit it.

Momma is back, well, kinda. At least during my run last night I did not almost pass out 5 different times, nor did I laugh at myself in the mirror. That's progress people!

I am going to try these babies out at the Zoo Run. It's only a 10k. That will help me judge if I can do the Tulsa Run. I am hoping I can. I am willing myself to do that. Heaven help me!

And thank you to Kat for the wonderful advice she gave me. I can't run in my old shoes because I threw them away (holes in them), but I WILL do that with my next pair.

AND tomorrow is my birthday, get excited people! Someone needs to be.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I blame it on the shoes

So my training for the Tulsa Run sucks. I was successfully running five miles and working my way to six. I thought, you know what Michele, you are doing so good and the running shoes you have on your feet right now have holes on the side - go ahead and treat yourself to some brand new running shoes. Shoes that will make you skip straight from training through mile 6 all the way to 8. Just like that. Done, easy as pie.

So I got those magical shoes. And they magically suck. I have not run over 3 miles in two weeks. I can barely make it to 3 miles. They only reason I do is because there is a mirror in front of the tread mill and I laugh at myself, call myself names and will myself to that 3 mile mark. Yesterday for example I made it to 2 miles. Really? It was like I had never run before.

Maybe it is not the shoes, but I have to blame it on something, right? Could it be the fact that I am stressed? Or the fact that my soon to be ex-husband told me his kids feel rejected by me since I left? Really? REALLY? So....it's easier to blame it on the shoes. I think placing blame there is easier than living in the reality that is my life right now.

I have an appointment with an attorney this week to file for divorce. I am not going to kid myself into thinking that maybe one day he will change or become the man I fell in love with 6 years ago.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Pet Peeve

I am a women full of Pet Peeves - but my #1 Pet Peeve is when people make me feel stupid. I hate that feeling. It sucks. That is all.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

So what if it's my birthday

I think when I was growing up - namely 16 through 30 year old - I looked forward to my birthday. Really, I thought the world should stop on September 27 and look at me, wish me Happy Birthday EVERY 5 minutes and then worship the ground I walked on. Yep, that was me. And, sadly, I did not think that was too much to ask.

What annoyed me growing up is I always wanted to be a different age than I was turning that year. When I was 16 I wanted to be 18 - so I could be a freshman in college. When I was 20 I wanted to be 21 for obvious reasons and so on. I always thought I would have a problem with 30, I mean 30 was SO OLD in my eyes. But really, 30 was great, one of the best birthdays I had. After all, I was married and had a beautiful baby. There was not a whole lot more I could ask for.

For those of you who are 30 or more, what is it about your 30's that make you mysteriously not care anymore? By "not caring" I mean, things that bothered you in your 20's suddenly seem so retarded when you are in your 30's. In my 20's I would never go out of the house without make-up or my hair done. I would never miss the gym. I would never miss a night out with my friends, nor a night to meet the man of my dreams - AT A BAR...end of story. I am also more comfortable with me. Granted I still have some body issues, but what woman does not!?

Please note: if someone puts a comment on this blog that says they do not have body issues, I will hunt you down.

Tonight I'm going to meet my friends at a Mexican restaurant for some drinks and lots of chips and salsa. I CAN'T WAIT! Most of my friends now are married and have kids close to Piper's age. And if they did not bring their kids, it just would not be the same. I love to see them. I especially love to see the guys interact with their kids. To see men turn to mush with their daughters is adorable.

I will be 32 on Saturday. I think 32 will treat me as well as 31 has. Granted, it was not the best year of my life, but I can tell you it was not the worst year either - by far.

What was your favorite age?

Thursday, September 18, 2008


So, I guess some of you have noticed that my blog has been locked. It's because Mark found out about it from people at work that somehow found it. Who goes hunting for blogs? Therefore, I locked it to read through my posts and you know, they really were not that bad. They were honest and true to what I was feeling when I wrote them. And I still agree with them to this day.

Everything I wrote, I have said to Mark in some version or another. And yes, there are two sides to every story - but this is my blog and my version is the correct one. Dang it!

So here's where more honesty comes in. When I open this blog back up, I know that he will be given the address to read through everything that has been said. And I am ok with that. Will he agree with what I have said, I am sure he won't. Will he not talk to me for a while, maybe - but I doubt it.

So I will say here what I have wanted to say to him for a while, what I have tried to say but unfortunately I write better than I talk.

Mark, I know that it may not seem like it at all, but I still care deeply for you - but I no longer understand you. When we met, you were this easy going, and most of all, CARING man. You would do anything for anybody (namely me) and I loved that about you. When you told me that you did not know if you loved me nor wanted to be married to me - I was shocked. I still am very much shocked. I'm angry with you and have been for a long time. I can't get over that emotion and I do not know why. It drives me crazy. I left because I believe that I deserve better from you and you will never be able to give that to me because you do not think you need to change. You are the only person throughout our friends and family who does not see that.

You haven't cried or showed any kind of emotion about this whole thing. It's like you are thinking "well there goes marriage two down the drain, oh well."

I think what makes me the most mad is that I know inside you are a very good and caring person. And I see it from time to time still. I also know that you are not happy with yourself and what you have become. It's like you are trying to prove to everybody how different you are by getting your tattoos, shaving your arms, head and watching your UFC (I could go on and on) when the fact is you were great the way you were 6 years ago.

The only thing I am certain of right now is we share a beautiful and very smart 3-year-old. And I will forever love you because of that. I refuse to let my anger get the best of me and I refuse to not parent the best way I know how because we are no longer together. I do not know what the future holds for either one of us, but I do know that I wish you the best in whatever you do because you deserve that in your life.

And now my mother is throwing something across the room or maybe at the computer to make this post go away.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Could Not Be More Opposite

I have really only talked about my daughter, Mom and step dad on this blog. So I feel it is time to torture another one of my family members. I have an older brother Matt. He just turned 38 years old. He is married to Diane and has a son Jordan (my handsome nephew) from a previous marriage.

It took my Mom and Dad a while to get pregnant after they had Matthew. When my Mom finally did get pregnant 5 years later, my sweet, sweet brother prayed for me. He will deny this or say something like this - "I did not pray for you Michele and even if I did, I was young, dumb and take it all back!" I love my brother dearly. He is the nicest guy in the world, but he really sucks as a brother. I mean who pushes their own sister down the stairs, pulls her arm out of socket and keep her head under water until she is half comatose? That would be my brother Matthew.

When I was young, I was scared TO DEATH OF EVERYTHING! On Christmas Eve I would sneak into my brother's room and sleep in his bed because I was scared Santa was going to come into my room and stare at me or take me back to the North Pole with him. As if! Matt had this Incredible Hulk poster right next to his bed and if his little sister was going to torture him and sleep in his bed, her ass was sleeping by the Hulk poster. Can you believe the nerve of him? So, not only was I afraid of Santa, I was afraid The Hulk was going to jump out of the poster and eat me. It's a wonder I am still here today to blog about it, but blog about it I must.

Then when I was 8, I caught my brother smoking. He was 14 at the time. I opened the door to his room and he had the window cracked and had just took a drag. I was horrified and he was just happy as crap it was not my Mom that opened the door. So I did what any sister would do. I told my Mom on the way to church. And you would have thought that I was telling her Matt was going to die because MAN was she PISSED! I did not get much pleasure out of it. Oh hell, yes I did. Not for sure how long he was grounded but it was a long time.

Matt and I are complete opposites. He's a whole lot of country and I am a whole lot of anything but country (I do love country music though). He wears wife beaters IN PUBLIC and at the Fourth of July parties, smokes and likes to drink beer. I wear tank tops to run and even those are some what trendy. I would never smoke. I do drink beer every once in a while, but really hardly ever drink. All in all we do not have a whole lot in common besides matching DNA.

So here's the honest part. Matt really is the best brother in the world. When I say he pushed me down the stairs, we were actually playing tag as I was running up the stairs, he barely touched me and I lost my footing, then proceeded to fall down the stairs. When he pulled my arm out of socket, it was because he was trying to help me get on the bed and I was being a SHIT about it. But I swear to you, he did keep me under water too long!

If there was ever anything in the world that I needed, Matt would try his hardest to get it for me or atleast make it better until I got it. I can remember one fight in my entire life we got into and it was several years ago on Mother's Day. And even though I was so mad at him and vice versa - I was still so damn proud to call him my brother and still to this day am. I love you Matthew!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Making New Friends

So I have been thinking random thoughts lately. Why? The answer would be because I have more time on my hands. Well, at least Tuesday nights. That's when all my epiphanies come to me. Watch out, it's really scary at times.

Random thoughts:
  1. This is my idea of the perfect husband and it is as simple as this: I want someone who is proud enough of me that he puts my framed picture on his office desk. And when his co-worker asks him who that is, the smile on his face will say it all. The end.
  2. I think it is so easy for people to think they are happy when, in fact, they are not. When you feel the same emotion for so long, it's easy to confuse it for another emotion.
  3. I am now addicted to watching dvd's - romance/comedy dvd rentals to be exact.
  4. I think the people that blog and read each others web sites should all get together one weekend to meet face-to-face. I think you all are hilarious and I need new/exciting friends in my life!

That is all for now.

P.S. Jax just got flowers from her boyfriend. I'm jealous. She is happy. Happiness trumps jealousy. Yay, Jackie!!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Because I Think I Can

When I moved to Michigan to live in the same city as my boyfriend Seth, I was absolutely worthless - meaning I could have easily found a job but had no motivation to work. My rationalization was I had just completed 4 years of college, worked throughout college as a waitress and deserved a few months off. Really?

Did you know that in three months you can rack up thousands of dollars on your credit card for no reason whatsoever? Yup, that was me and I still kick myself to this day about that.

The one motivation I did have was training for a marathon. What better thing is there to do when you have 24 hours a day to do absolutely nothing? I was going to run the Las Vegas marathon because it was flat, the weather is always fairly nice and it WAS VEGAS BABY!

I joined a gym and had a personal trainer that kicked my butt on a daily basis. I hated that man for the things he had me do in the gym - all the running, who really needs ALL THAT RUNNING? I got to where I could do a long run on the weekends (the weekdays were my sprints). I was so proud of myself for running 10-12 miles. And then it hit me - well I actually was not hit, but it felt like I was. I got a hip pointer. Don't know what that is? Let me explain. It's where the gluteus maxi mus muscle meets the gluteus mini mus and they rub together. They are supposed to lay on top of each other but mine where butted up together. I saw the Dr. and he told me to not run for a couple months. HOLY CRAP! That was too long. I did not take his advise and hurt myself more. Go figure I graduated from KU and he graduated from Harvard. I guess that means he trumps me - many times over.

So running for me now is a fun thing, not a must do thing. It relieves stress and makes me feel overall really good. It also helps with my ulcers - don't ask me how, just trust me on this one, it does. And for the first time since I moved back from Michigan, I have the urge to run in a race. Not a marathon, that takes too much time. BUT I am training to run the Tulsa Run - the 15k to be exact - 9.6 miles of fun. I am so excited about this. It's something that, even though it sounds lame, will be a great accomplishment for me. I am training now and have got up to 4.2 miles - without dying.

If you are in Tulsa the last weekend in October, come cheer me on. I expect ALL my family to be there because I will need the encouragement come mile 6 or 7. And the best part? We will eat at the Brook to celebrate my accomplishment - with Piper sitting right beside me!