Thursday, August 28, 2008

My Idea of Prince Charming

When I was a little girl and still to this day, people say "My, my, my, you look just like your Mom!" I would and still do roll my eyes. My daughter, I would say fortunately, has the same fate of looking exactly like her mother. I know as she gets older this will annoy her greatly, while giving me much pleasure.

Truth be told, I always liked looking like my Mom. She is one of the most beautiful people I know - on the inside and out. What we have been through together defies the mother/daughter relationship. When I was a senior in High School we did one of those time capsule things before we graduated. One of the questions they asked me was "Who is your hero?" My answer was immediate and is still the same to this day - "My Mom!"

I love you, Mom! And I am not just saying that because that's what I said when the police officer took me to our house the night I got busted for drinking when I was 15. I personally still don't think I should have been grounded for a month, but hey, I forgive you. LOL!

My Mom sent this to me because we have the EXACT same sense of humor - exact same eyes, face shape, boobs, legs....ugh, I just did the eye roll! You will need to click on the image to pull it up to read. It is hilarious! Especially if you are single (really even if you are not). Below this is a picture of my hero and the man that came into our lives to forever change us for the better.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Oh...the Things I've Learned

It's amazing the things I've learned in the past week and a half. Let me entertain you (because I am done having a pity party)!

  • I've learned that a bar of soap used by only one person is going to last a LOT longer than if two people were using it.
  • I've learned that when you spend $130 at Wal-mart for one and a half people (Piper counts as half for food consumption) it can last you at least a month.
  • I've learned it is not smart to have a snack drawer that your daughter can reach. Because when you are running on the treadmill and get done, you will find the Gatorade spilled, powered donuts opened, M&Ms on your 3-year-olds face and chez-its on the counter half opened.
  • I've learned that Piper has learned to lock doors - namely the bathroom door - and can't get herself out.
  • I've learned that I may have a bit of a shopping problem - especially when it comes to Craigslist.
  • I've learned that Mark and I get along much better being a part (that is no indication that we will get back together).
  • I've learned that watching TV sucks because all it is is Reality TV!
  • I've learned that I hate Dan from "Big Brother" because he screams when he talks.
  • I've learned that no matter what Jax tells me, I will never watch The Hills on MTV.
  • I've learned that to get a divorce you have to pay a $2000-3000 retainer "depending on the severity of your case." WTF?
  • And the #1 thing I've learned is you can get a divorce online for $299 if you can agree to everything. That's the plan - now that means I have to be extra nice to Mark until those papers are signed. LOL!

That is all, happy hump day!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Week One Behind Me

I have officially surpassed Week One in the duplex as a newly separated, single Mom. And I gotta tell ya, it was a hell of a lot harder than I ever thought. Not the single Mom part at all. I felt like a single Mom a lot of the time anyway. It's the being alone part that I am not getting used to. I hate it. I hate the silence and the boredom. I'm just fine when Piper is with me, but I can't handle the being by myself. I go run, I tan, I go to my Dad's - but it's not enough. Without Piper there, it's like a LARGE part of me is missing.

If I had one wish, it would be that I get to wake up every morning knowing that cute 3-year-olds face is only two bedrooms away. I love seeing her in the morning. I love her curly hair that looks like it has been through a tornado. I love her grouchiness that only me and Mimi can understand. I love the fact that she says the same thing every morning when she gets up - "Good Morning Momma, can I watch a little TV now?" I just love her!

Has it made me question my decision? I would be lying if I said that it hasn't. It has. But you know what, I am smart enough to know being anywhere else than where I am right now is not right or healthy for me and Piper.

A lot of good things have happened since I've moved. I feel mentally and physically better. I've got to catch up on sleep, movies and shopping. And I have been able to focus much of my time to just enjoying my daughter. I'm going to try really hard to do things with Piper that I have not taken the opportunity to do. Like go to the Zoo. Do fun craft projects. Take her to Branson to see Mimi and Papa. Take her to the movies. The possibilities are endless.

In between those times, I promise to try really hard to enjoy my time by myself. I used to love it. LOVE IT. I am sure it will come eventually.

I feel slightly broken. On the drop of a dime I can cry for no reason. Really? Because I'm not a cryer. I am relying heavily on family and friends - and pushing a few people away in the mean time. There are certain people that I know I can lean on and will understand me when I cry or say off the wall things. Then there are people who I want to understand me but can't or aren't willing to spend the time to understand. Sad, really - because I think I'm worth trying to understand. I think I am worth a lot and have sold myself short for way too long.

I can't and won't do that anymore.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Enough Said

Why do I love this so much and why does Maxine remind me of my mother and my Grandma Margaret? If you do not laugh at this, you have a serious lack of humor.

Monday, August 18, 2008

So I Guess Now I am "Evil"

Friday was moving day, a day that I looked forward to and dreaded all at the same time. I got up early and got Piper off to school, headed to my Dad's (after getting donuts) to get stuff from storage. Mark showed up to help us move, nice right? Well, I thought so at first. He was there for 5 minutes and wanted to leave to get his IPhone fixed. Really? REALLY? I asked him if maybe he could do that next week when he had some free time. You would have thought I asked him to throw it in the trash and never use it again.

He ended up staying and helped us move the heavy things. And you know what? He was as HAPPY as a lark the whole time he was moving is WIFE out of THE HOUSE. Does that make sense to you? It really blows my mind the lack of empathy he has. I do not know why I get surprised anymore.

I got Piper from school that day and took her to the new place. I am not even kidding, she walked in like she owned the place. I showed her her room and new toys. She was hooked. Since it is three bedrooms, one of the rooms is where the treadmill is and a couch with a TV. It's basically her room where she can watch Dora 852 times a day and I get to use the treadmill when I am allowed on the premises. I guess she decides that? Well, that is what she thinks anyway.

I got home and asked Mark how he could be so happy that whole day. He told me it is "because his wife's evil". WOW, that's a new name for me. Then he proceeds to say that "even my Dad was embarrassed of me". So what did I do you may ask? I walked my happy ass to the phone and called my Dad to ask him. He said under no uncertain terms did he or would he EVER say anything like that. Score one for Michele!

On Saturday I went out with Jax! We had a blast! It's so strange to be in the environment again, but it is also exciting. I need that every once in awhile...or twice a month when Mark has Piper...WOO HOO!

On Sunday I painted Piper's room pink - a color I swore I would NEVER paint my daughter's room. She will love it (she's at my Mom's right now). I can't wait to see her face when she walks in. All of her toys are there for her to see because she was afraid they would not make it when we moved. Of course, there are new ones too. Just a few...or twelve. Whatever!

It is absolutely liberating to me to be on my own. I feel so much better, like I can breath again. This move was the best thing I could have done for me and Piper. We are going to do great - that I am sure of!

Monday, August 11, 2008

My Mood

Last night Piper woke up at 11pm and 3am. I guess you could say I am a little bit tired. At 11am she said that her foot hurt. I used to think this was a load of bull, but when I told her teacher about it the next day (after the first time it happened) she said that a Dr once told her that it was a growing pain and in fact not a fib from a 3-yr-old. Of course, once again, I should be nominated for Mother of the Year!

I rubbed and rubbed her foot and leg to no avail - she said it still hurt. I hate that feeling of not being able to make her feel better because it does not happen very often.

At 3am she came in to say it still hurt. I let her get in bed with us and she fell fast asleep. Of course, that meant I slept like crap because I had to catch her 52 times so she would not roll of the bed. Why did I just not put her in the middle like a normal person? Because it was 3 IN THE MORNING and my brain does not function properly then! At 5:30 I finally moved her back to her bed so I could sleep an hour or so more. When I picked her up to take her in she said, "NO, I want Momma to take me to bed!" I told her that was who was carrying her and it did not register. I told her again, she looked at me and went right back to sleep. I love that feeling - because it is the feeling I wanted at 11pm when I could not make her pain go away.

I think this week is going to be hard for me because I am moving out on Friday. I was packing this weekend and of course I was sad. It was not a sad like I am making the wrong decision. It was just a sadness that it even got this far. My step dad told me there would be a defining moment when I knew if it was not going to work with Mark and I. That defining moment happened this weekend. It was not a major thing really - just another form of respect that I am not getting from him. And I deserve that respect.

I know I joke about the single life being good, but I am scared to death. Not because I am afraid I can't make it, because I KNOW I will. But it's change and I have never been one for change. I am going to try very hard to use this next year to just focus on me and my daughter. We are both going to need a little extra love and kindness in our lives. I promise that I will give that to her because that comes natural to me. She is my best friend and she is only 3-yrs-old. She will make every day worth getting up for because she already does. That will never change.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

My New Digs

Do I always have to start off my posts with, "I am freaking busy at work!" Yes, I think I really do. It has been CRAZY this week! We have our Sales Rallies next week and I get to go to the love city of Wichita, Kansas. I know, you are jealous - get over it because I have to go alone!

So, I rented a duplex last week and I move into it next Friday, August 15th. Mark went with me to look at the duplex because he knows the owner of it. Have you ever walked into a place and felt immediately at home? Ya, that's how I felt! I am a huge "smell" person. If you stink, literally and psychically, I do not like you - END OF STORY! The duplex smelled like fresh laundry, one of my favorite smells by the way (that and my daughter's breath - I know, weird). The duplex was built in 2006 and it is fabulous. Did I tell you it is fabulous? Yep, it's fabulous.

When I was in there I was trying to contain my excitement, but it was just oozing out of me. It's like when I moved to Michigan to be closer to Seth. 3 months after I moved, I called my step dad bawling because I wanted to be back home (not home with my parents, just back to Kansas where I lived at the time). The next weekend my parents came and packed my ass up and moved me back. While they were packing and hauling - I was literally jumping for joy, I could not get back fast enough and poor Seth was so upset. It was so bad, my Mom pulled me aside and told me to basically chill the f$%K out because I was embarrassing her and myself as well.

The excitement I feel right now is even greater than that! Now I know, I will go through a grieving process, ya ya whatever - but WOO HOO!!! I will be on my own with Piper in a little over a week.

We still have not sold my freaking house, so the fun part is I get to pay rent and mortgage. How do I remedy that situation you might ask? Well...I sold my wedding ring. Yup, sold it - out the door, see ya later. I meet the woman and her husband today to give it to her. Will I be sad? Nope, I have not wore the ring for a long time and if Mark and I work things out it still does not represent what it was suppose to when he put it on my finger over 4 years ago.

Mark's pissed and says I am pissing away the money. Really? Really? I'm using it for rent and our daughter's daycare, any medical bills that may come up. Ok, so maybe I will use $100 of it to blow, but that's it. At least I am honest. AND, AND I am giving him $600 of it to pay for his first month's rent. He will probably use it for another tattoo. That's fine with me because that is a make or break thing.

P.S. Piper is SO funny. Anytime we drive by a house with no cars in front she says "Momma, nobody lives there, maybe we can live in that house?" She is going to love her new place and it's not just because I am buying her new toys either...ok, maybe it is! LOL!