When I was a little girl I was deathly afraid of thunder storms. It didn't matter if it was a minor or major storm, they were all the same to me. Like clock work, I would go to my parents room and stand on my Mom's side of the bed just staring at her until she woke up. I would later learn this scared the crap out of her every time I did it. She would reassure me that everything was ok and I needed to go back in my own bed. I did not listen - still really don't listen.
The only thing that comforted me was sleeping beside her. She would scoot all the way over to the side of the bed (as not to let me sleep beside her), but God willing, I would lay myself on the edge of the bed. Mind you, this was all of 2-3 inches but I WAS DETERMINED! After about 5 minutes, she would roll over in defeat and we would both go back to sleep.
I am now raising my 3-year-old daughter, Piper who is equally if not more scared than I was. She used to sleep through everything. Now, like clock work, she wakes up at the mere thought of a "funder" storm. I can without a doubt tell you which thunder or lightning strike is going to scare the crap out her.
Two nights ago was one of those nights. Thunder = MOMMA! = Me going into her room = her saying "The funder scared me Momma, can I sleep in your bed?" That night I did not let her sleep in our bed, I got in hers. We laid face to face, so close I could smell her baby morning breath. Side note: Why does that smell not disgust a mother? It is the true sign of love!
As I laid there she looked at me like there was no place else she wanted to be. My hands were cupped close to my face and she took her hands and put them in between mine and not 30 seconds later she fell asleep.
Sometimes I feel so powerful being a mother and sometimes I wonder if I am really doing the best I can trying to raise her. I have never loved anybody else like I love her and in the next coming weeks or months, I am going to remember that. Remember that no matter what the future holds, I am still the mother of Piper.
I hope my worries never transfer over to her, and I hope that when her Dad and I separate, very shortly, she will still want to hold my hand and fall asleep like she did that night.
Halloween 2017: William Shakespeare
2 weeks ago