Monday, August 11, 2008

My Mood

Last night Piper woke up at 11pm and 3am. I guess you could say I am a little bit tired. At 11am she said that her foot hurt. I used to think this was a load of bull, but when I told her teacher about it the next day (after the first time it happened) she said that a Dr once told her that it was a growing pain and in fact not a fib from a 3-yr-old. Of course, once again, I should be nominated for Mother of the Year!

I rubbed and rubbed her foot and leg to no avail - she said it still hurt. I hate that feeling of not being able to make her feel better because it does not happen very often.

At 3am she came in to say it still hurt. I let her get in bed with us and she fell fast asleep. Of course, that meant I slept like crap because I had to catch her 52 times so she would not roll of the bed. Why did I just not put her in the middle like a normal person? Because it was 3 IN THE MORNING and my brain does not function properly then! At 5:30 I finally moved her back to her bed so I could sleep an hour or so more. When I picked her up to take her in she said, "NO, I want Momma to take me to bed!" I told her that was who was carrying her and it did not register. I told her again, she looked at me and went right back to sleep. I love that feeling - because it is the feeling I wanted at 11pm when I could not make her pain go away.

I think this week is going to be hard for me because I am moving out on Friday. I was packing this weekend and of course I was sad. It was not a sad like I am making the wrong decision. It was just a sadness that it even got this far. My step dad told me there would be a defining moment when I knew if it was not going to work with Mark and I. That defining moment happened this weekend. It was not a major thing really - just another form of respect that I am not getting from him. And I deserve that respect.

I know I joke about the single life being good, but I am scared to death. Not because I am afraid I can't make it, because I KNOW I will. But it's change and I have never been one for change. I am going to try very hard to use this next year to just focus on me and my daughter. We are both going to need a little extra love and kindness in our lives. I promise that I will give that to her because that comes natural to me. She is my best friend and she is only 3-yrs-old. She will make every day worth getting up for because she already does. That will never change.

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