Wednesday, July 30, 2008

D Day

Mark and I have tried to sell our house for 2-3 months now. The first time we sold it, it sold in 12 days. The second time we sold it in 3 days and the third time it was not even on the market. All three contracts fell through - due to financing, someone not being able to sell their house and the other decided they did not like the neighborhood. Ya really, because we do not like it either.

Since then we have had many people look at it and even got another offer, but we could not reach an agreement on the price. Our realtor said, "you're only $3500 off". Well...when you have NO money, $3500 is A LOT of money. Of course she drives a BMW so having her understand that concept is pretty much slim to none.

Once we sell our house, Mark and I are going to go our separate ways. For me, that means not wanting to work on it and just start my life over. For Mark that means, we just need a break and then things will be ok. I have thought and thought about what the best thing to do is. Racked my brain over and over. There are just things about him that I can't live with and unfortunately they are things that I do not think he can change. They are just who he is. I can't fault him for that, I really can't. There are things about myself that I can't change too. It is just virtually impossible.

I will always be anal. I will always have to feel like I am in control. I will always be grouchy in the mornings and I will always think the man of the house should be the primary provider for the house. I make good money and CAN and DO support myself and Piper, but as a man - I believe the weight of that responsibility should fall on his shoulders. A woman has so much to worry about besides finances. We, as women, take on SO much and try and "conquer the world" every day. It's nice to have that one burden taken off of our plate.

My Mom always worked and ALWAYS made really good money to support us. When she met and married Ken, she still supported us - but in a different way. A better way, really. He was the stable person in our life and we ALWAYS felt safe with him because he was the main provider. Reason #852 I love him.

Ok, I am off my soap box - Sorry!

On August 25th, I am moving out of the house, whether we have sold our house or not. I am going to rent a house and just be by myself (with Piper). Maybe I will miss Mark terribly, but I fear I will not.

Last night Piper and I were going to the grocery store. She was supposed to go with Mark and my two step kids to Blockbuster, but freaked out when she found out I was not going with them. So, she went with me. When I was getting her out of the van, I said "Piper, you and Momma are going to live in a new house soon, is that ok?" She said "Yes and Dad, bubba and sissy can live in another house."

That makes me sad. It makes me sad because maybe she is smarter than I already think she is. And maybe she knows that Momma is happier when she is not with Daddy. Mark and I do not fight in front of her - we really hardly ever fight at all anymore. We function like roommates. As a kid, I know she needs to see her Mom happy and she also needs to see me happy with someone of the opposite sex. On August 25, I am taking the first step at becoming who I was over 4 years ago. Saying that makes me happy because I desperately need to be me again.

And I know my Mom is now crying as she reads this...


Jax said...

I think I almost cried reading that. Proud of you, lovely. I know you know that, but just sayin...

Anonymous said...

Maybe I did do somethings right raising you after all! LYB